Looking back at Victoria 70.3 pictures is fun, each picture is filled with a joyful smile. The truth is I had the best time out on that course, minus the first 500 meters of the swim. This past weekend I went to Penticton with my cousin to recon the bike route. We took zero pictures, but if we had they would be filled with overwhelmed and humbled faces.
My general attitude about hills leading up to this weekend was that I love them. They are my favourite part of riding. This 180 km course with 1900 meters of elevation gain is no joke. Those 1900 meters are not distributed evenly. Sure there are a few steep climbs here and there, but there are also a couple climbs that go on for 10+ km, leaving you in climbing mode for over an hour at a time. I must have looked like a deer in the headlights. I kept looking up and there was just no end on the horizon.
To be fair, I could have researched the course and known what was ahead of me. My cousin was very familiar with the course and graciously waited after each major section for me to catch up. I think his moving time was roughly 30 minutes shorter than mine. On the ups I could mostly keep up but on the downs he would be out of sight within a minute. On the other hand, if I had known what was ahead of me I might not even have started.
When I first decided to do the Ironman back in the fall of 2022, I went for a couple rides with Steveston local superstar Erin Lee. She was so patient with me as I asked her all the questions and wouldn’t let me bike in my running shoes despite my whining about clipping in. One of the first things she said about my used road bike was that I needed a larger cassette. I had no idea what she was talking about and until this past weekend I truly never felt like I needed more gears.
Last summer I had taken an 8 week Queen of the Mountains bike class that was centered around hills, with the last class taken us all the way up Grouse mountain. I felt prepared enough for Penticton than, and probably would have finished too if the wild fires hadn’t cancelled the event. The difference was that last year I felt unstoppable. This year I got off my bike on a 10-15% grade section and just pushed my bike up the hill. I was going so slow that I thought I might tip over, and after I unclipped I couldn't possibly clip back in on that steep of a section. If I’m being honest though I was just feeling sorry for myself. I could have gotten to the top of that hill if I had not been thinking about buying a new cassette.
I did drop my bike of the following day to purchase a bigger cassette, all while knowing that my mental game is more important than a few more gears. I have done this just long enough that I know that I get to decide how big those mountains are in my mind. In fact they are not mountains, they are just hills, that people ride everyday. No big deal!
On their own all three elements of the Ironman feel doable: 3.8 km swim, 180 km bike & 42.2 km run. Together it feels hella daunting. How could I possibly run a marathon after that bike ride or get on the bike after a 2 hour open water swim. I know the only way to string it together is simply to decide to do so. I can’t remember who told me that the definition of decide is to cut off all other possibilities. So that is what I need to hold onto, my resolve to cross that finish line before midnight.
It is not lost on me how privileged I am that I get to do this. Gratitude is a powerful emotion. During what felt like brutal moments on the bike last weekend I reminded myself that I can choose my challenges because I am fit and healthy. I also have the luxury of time and resources that triathlon requires. No matter how uncomfortable it gets, its a finite time. Gratitude helps me embrace the suck, like mega.
With less than 11 weeks to go I have my work cut out for me. The swim and bike are outside my comfort zone but that makes the question “can I do this?”, more exciting. I know the answer has far more to do with how I manage my mental state than my physical ability. There is so much nuance in how you talk to yourself, how you react to the inevitable challenges that come your way.
I am looking forward to the opportunity to push myself once again come race day, and to observe where my mind goes.
If you want to delve deeper into the mental game with me, consider joining me for a 7 day Retreat in Mexico, January 2025.